Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
