the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
