I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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