Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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