I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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