This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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