I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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