Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
