I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
