Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
