i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
