Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
