Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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