you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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