i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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