You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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