Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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