clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
