it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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