Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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