Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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