If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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