Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize