I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
