Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
