The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
