i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
