He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
