I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
