They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
