It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
