Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
