I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need to calm my uterus...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
