did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
