Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize