i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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