It's Friday. Sex?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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