I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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