textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
