you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
