Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
