somebody snuck up and got me drunk
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
