just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
accomplished twins. life is a go
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
