i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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