I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
