She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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