well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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