yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm like, not good at living.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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