I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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