I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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