im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
