Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have fence marks all over my body
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
