Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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