So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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