I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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