My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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