Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
