We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
