So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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