Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
