It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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