I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We had sex on a dog bed..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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