did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
