I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
