ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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