Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
