Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
