I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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