I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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