It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
