we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
