I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
