I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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